I don’t mind wishing the odd fellow
Happy Birthday occasionally, but the
wretched day arrives every year for everyone,
including Eskimos, coastal Maharashtrians and my extended family. Every member
of this group – in typical disregard for my convenience – was born on a
different day and expects to receive a thoughtful greeting card from me every
year. The list is long and requires careful prioritization. First, of course,
is my wife; she is followed by my son and daughter; then my mother and
mother-in-law. Next are my sister, brother-in-law, nephew and sister’s
brother-in-law. After this my sense of order collapses because, creeping out of
the woodwork, come a bevy of uncles and aunts and, due to the power of
reproduction, countless cousins who, thanks to the power of modern-day
transportation, are spread across the globe. The result is a staggering pile-up
of birthdays every year.
Handling this annual workload
requires a management system. Luckily I’ve studied management. So, by
explaining the principles of strategic planning, workflow optimization and
cognitive dissonance to my wife, I suggested to her the following method of dividing
the work between the two of us: I would take care of her birthday card and she
would handle the others’. To my surprise, she refused. Having encountered this
problem before, I dealt with it in my usual way: I abandoned the scientific
approach and resorted to abject begging. It worked.
