A Filmy Rescue of Cricket

I belong to a group of middle-aged, slightly-spherical Indian men that plays an enthusiastic and clumsy game of tennis every weekend. We were relaxing at the court-side after an energetic session a few weeks ago, when a fellow player announced in a voice reeking with smugness: “Sorry, Folks, I can’t play next week. I’m off to Australia to watch the game.”

“Wow!” I said, “When are you going to Melbourne?”

“The Melbourne game is over, ass. I’m going to Perth tomorrow for the third test in the four-test series.”

“There’s another game going on in Melbourne,” I said, “It’s called tennis. It’s the game we just finished playing. But of course it’s only a Grand Slam event, one of the four biggest tennis tournaments of the year. That’s nothing compared to an India-Australia cricket test.”

Sarcasm about the magnificence of cricket slides past a die-hard cricket enthusiast like ice cubes on a marble floor.

“Exactly!” he said, “Unfortunately I’ll only catch the last two days of the test.”

Overcoming the birthday overload

I don’t mind wishing the odd fellow Happy Birthday occasionally, but the wretched day arrives every year for everyone, including Eskimos, coastal Maharashtrians and my extended family. Every member of this group – in typical disregard for my convenience – was born on a different day and expects to receive a thoughtful greeting card from me every year. The list is long and requires careful prioritization. First, of course, is my wife; she is followed by my son and daughter; then my mother and mother-in-law. Next are my sister, brother-in-law, nephew and sister’s brother-in-law. After this my sense of order collapses because, creeping out of the woodwork, come a bevy of uncles and aunts and, due to the power of reproduction, countless cousins who, thanks to the power of modern-day transportation, are spread across the globe. The result is a staggering pile-up of birthdays every year.

Handling this annual workload requires a management system. Luckily I’ve studied management. So, by explaining the principles of strategic planning, workflow optimization and cognitive dissonance to my wife, I suggested to her the following method of dividing the work between the two of us: I would take care of her birthday card and she would handle the others’. To my surprise, she refused. Having encountered this problem before, I dealt with it in my usual way: I abandoned the scientific approach and resorted to abject begging. It worked.

Flying faster than time

Time flies. We’ve heard that cliché at least 562 times. But nowadays we fly faster than time and end up with jet lag, another peculiar disease created by man.

My first experience with jet lag was a few years ago on a business trip to the United States from Singapore. I was bright and chirpy on the morning of day one and actually made two meaningful observations during the meeting. But after lunch, I felt relaxed; the speaker’s voice – droning on about budget planning – was soothing. I tilted my head back…

The next moment everyone was pushing their chairs back for the tea-break.

Realizing I had nodded off briefly, I cunningly approached the speaker.

“Hey, Phil, amazing presentation – you brought a fresh perspective to budget planning.”

He looked at me oddly. “But I finished that long ago. This session was about training.”

“I know,” I said, recovering quickly from the shock, “The training speaker was also impressive. What’s his name, by the way? I missed it.”

“Her name is Sarah.”

“That’s right – Sarah,” I said, recovering quickly again, “I’m going to speak to her.”

A city of character

London is fresh on all our minds today after we’ve been forced to follow the recent royal wedding so closely. For two weeks it has been featured on every television channel, even the thirty devoted exclusively to food. It has made the cover of most magazines. Much discussion has taken place about Kate’s wedding dress and its designer Sarah Burton – including where she lives, works and takes her dog for a walk. (Frankly I was disappointed that, after all that build-up, Kate turned up in something white). The actual event was telecast for seven hours non-stop and reported in detail in local newspapers and the International Herald Tribune... on the front page of course.

But after this heady media immersion, it is useful to remind ourselves that, apart from the royal family, there are other interesting aspects about London, many of which I discovered on a recent trip.

On my first day – a beautiful morning with clear skies and a crisp breeze – I asked the hotel concierge to recommend a running route. Based on my previous experience, I expected to be pointed to a nearby park with shady trees, velvet lawns and paths cushioned with fallen leaves. Or perhaps she would suggest a quaint path along the majestic Thames, with the gently flowing river on one side and stately buildings on the other.

“There’s a cemetery nearby, Sir,” she said.